I remember when I got my first brand new, off the showroom floor, car. My parents paid the bill, but I actually went to the dealership to pick out the vehicle. All my father said was “get a 1972 model (yes, that’s correct .. ancient by today’s standards and prices) with automatic transmission, AM radio, and no air conditioning.” That car -- with the 8-TRACK tape player installed by my brother -- got me through five years of college ... and six hot, steamy, summers in South Louisiana.
This past weekend I brought my mother to get a new car. This time it was me negotiating the deal for her. I told the dealer what we wanted in a car and how much we were willing to spend. It should have been very easy ... a 2009, base model Honda Fit with automatic transmission. She already had a 2007 Honda Fit with which she was VERY pleased. And for my mother, who is pushing 80, the fewer the “extra” features the better ... not too many buttons to confuse with other buttons, and nothing too fancy for her to have to remember.
We went to the first dealership ... where we had purchased her last two vehicles ... and we were given the Royal treatment (just like the name of the dealership). Well, this time around “Royal” stood for “Royally Given the Shaft,” “Royally Insulted,” and “Royally treated like Dumb Women.” These Neanderthal Men still had the calluses on their hands from walking on their knuckles like the rest of the Baboons. Apparently they got the size of our brains confused with the tiny size of their testicles in figuring we would just nod our heads and go-along with their skewed view of sales and their prehistoric view of “we men, you fool women” society.
Never before have we been treated so rudely when trying to spend nearly 20,000 hard earned dollars. Somehow these male morons forgot the definition of “Customer Service” and that $20,000 is a lot of money to hand over.
Somebody forgot to let these non-evolved apes know that humans no longer live in caves, the earth is not flat, and that women no longer walk a step behind men.
First, I was told I had to sign an “Agreement to Buy” before the salesman would try to locate a 2009 Fit. I laughed and asked, “You expect me to agree to buy before I know you have a car, the price of that car, and whether my mother even likes the car?” I stood up, said “no thanks” and headed for the door. I was quickly stopped and asked to reconsider. I explained I would reconsider when they took their “Agreement to Buy” off the table.
Well, they found a car, then proceeded to give me a non-negotiable price which “only” -- ONLY -- gave them a $1,500 profit. I gave them another laugh, and reminded them “only a $1,500 profit” was a lot of profit, and more profit than I was ready to give on a 2009 base model when the 2010 models were already on their lot. I then wrote down the price I was willing to pay ... a fair price that gave them a fair profit and a bigger profit then deserved for the treatment we were given. But that’s when the salesman made his biggest mistake.
This gum-chewing, socially-stunted, clueless fool then said: “What gives you the right to make an offer like that?” I don’t know why I was stunned with his question, but I was. Then again, he may have been stunned by my answer.
“I have the right to make that offer because I’m the one buying the car, and writing the check that was going to give you a profit ... and in the recession of 2009 a profit is better than a loss, which you will soon know because you just lost this sale,” I declared.
You could hear the big suck ... the one that kept his butt stuck to his chair and his mouth opened wide as my mother and I got up and headed for the showroom door.
Something tells me that if we had different “junk” between our legs the dealership would have treated us differently. But then again, we sort of felt like we each had a set of basketballs south of the border as we walked out the door ... ain’t nobody gonna pull one over on my mamma and me ... especially two hayseeds with the brainpower of those banjo players in the movie Deliverance.
As for my mother ... she’s now driving a brand new Honda Fit Sport purchased from a different -- and better -- dealership. She’s got an AM-FM radio, CD player, and satellite radio receiver, cruise control, alloy wheels, USB interface, mp3 player, a spoiler on the hatchback, plus a 1,000-watt smile across her face.
... and the buzzards keep circling!”
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