Be Careful What You Wish For ...

Remember being a kid and wanting to be a grown-up? Well, I've learned through experience that sometimes it just sucks being a grown-up.

I can remember being a kid and racing to the mailbox every afternoon to see what "goodies" were being delivered, then being disappointed if the box was empty. Today, if the mailbox is empty it is cause to dance a jig, right there in the middle of the street. It means there is nobody wanting to get his or her hand into my wallet to steal my hard-earned cash.

I can also remember the "luxury" of being a teenager and taking a shower until the hot water heater had been sucked dry. Today I still drain that water reservoir, but not without thinking how much it costs to refill it with water and the cost of electricity to keep it hot. 

Same holds true for the air conditioner. When my parents were responsible for the power bill I would crank the temperature down to 65-degrees without a second thought. Today my thermostat is set to 78-degrees. I may hang around the house half-naked --- don't picture it --- but when the power bill looks like the national debt, something must be sacrificed. I suggest the "Peeping Toms" look into the windows of somebody else.

Of course you must remember jumping into the car on a Sunday afternoon just to go "joy riding" with friends. First of all, there is no longer any chance of my "jumping" into the car ... that ability left when my butt got bigger than the car window and arthritis took over my joints. It also ended when gas went from the 25-cents per gallon of my youth, to the $3.63 per gallon of today.

Then there were those "Ladies Night" specials at all the area bars in my college days. We could drink all night -- every night of the week -- and not spend a single dime. Last week I went to a Caribbean restaurant with friends and spent $13 on a single umbrella drink. It would have been nice to have at least gotten a little tipsy from the fruity concoction. Turns out the lightheaded feeling came from 1) looking at the bill, and 2) realizing the cost of that drink made buying a gallon of gasoline a real bargain.

If that wasn't a slap in the face, I was in for a rude awakening the next morning when I went to the Super Wal-Mart. There was a time when I bought my make-up and skin care products in a department store. Now everything comes home in a Super Wal-Mart bag. As I was checking out, I watched as the anti-aging products passed over the scanner. There was the exfoliant, the wrinkle reducer, the wrinkle prevention cream, the concealer, the wrinkle filler, the moisturizing make-up, the moisturizing cleanser, the nighttime moisturizer, the daytime moisturizer, the skin serum, the skin buffer, and the pore minimizer. I spent $112 and there wasn't a single thing to eat in that bag. At least if I ate, the wrinkles would fill with fat, and I would probably die early ... surely before any more wrinkles formed.

There were also the hours I could just sit and daydream about all the things I would do when I was a grown-up. Forget doing that today ... I've got three loads of laundry waiting to be washed, a client report due tomorrow, groceries to buy, the car needs an oil change, and the dog has to go to the vet. The only time I get to daydream is when I'm in my bed ... because, of course, insomnia also comes with being a grown-up.

Yes, maybe a vacation would help correct my less than bright outlook. But with the high costs of airfares, the price of checking luggage, the weak dollar, and the fact I used my last vacation days running from the most recent hurricane, a vacation is not in the picture. 

Instead, I'll turn off the cell phone, play some Jimmy Buffett on my iPod, put a paper umbrella in my Coca-Cola®, sit on the deck and let the garden hose pump some water on my toes, kick back and remember that I am the one who couldn't wait to be a grown-up.

" ... and the buzzards keep circling!"